Her Own Terms
by chang-raeleeismyhero
Summary: They were coming. She could feel it, though that's not what woke her. (Ep. 3)


Padmé sat staring at the wall. They were coming. She could feel it, though that's not what woke her. A recurring nightmare had come again, unbidden. What unnerved her most about the dream was it's truth. She had been there when Anakin had entered the room, with completely blank eyes, shortly before he had left for good. There was barely a hint of recognition on his face, for his home, and even his wife. He had said nothing as he turned to leave.  
  
A song wafted slowly through the room. It's melancholy feel and words fit her perfectly as she could now hear the guards approaching her meager safe house. She knew her death would greet her within minutes. She was strangely calm as she sat listening to the song.  
  
Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?  
  
I must be strong and carry on,  
  
'Cause I know I don't belong  
  
here in heaven. Would you hold my hand if I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would you help me stand if I saw you in heaven?  
  
I'll find my way through night and day,  
  
'Cause I know I just can't stay  
  
here in heaven. Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees.  
  
Time can break your heart, have you begging please,  
  
begging please. Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure,  
  
And I know there'll be no more  
  
tears in heaven. Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?  
  
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?  
  
I must be strong and carry on,  
  
'Cause I know I don't belong  
  
here in heaven.  
  
A loud crash registered in her mind as several men, clad in white armor stormed the room. She knew what these men were called, but she couldn't remember. It didn't really matter. They were here to kill her, that much was for sure. Sent by Anakin no doubt. A tear slid down her cheek as she thought of Anakin. Wishing with all the heart she had left, that this was not the way their story had ended. Torn to pieces and left blowing in the wind. Thoughts of her children haunted her as she was roughly thrown to the ground, gagged, and bound. Thankful Anakin had never known of them and that they would be safe, yet so profoundly sad. She would never see them grow, they would never be a family.  
  
As she was beaten, her thoughts once again wandered to the song, still playing over and over. Though now in her head as everything in the room had been destroyed. She began to wonder, what would heaven be like? Would it be Anakin, or Vader as he had taken to calling himself. Losing consciousness, she glanced at the door. She saw Anakin, as he had been on their wedding day, and she smiled. But the smile soon disappeared as he morphed into Vader. Blank eyes and cold stare, then into a hideous masked creature that made a such a horrible and loud noise, Padmé wanted to cover her ears. It seemed to rattle her all the way to her core. She knew that was Anakin's destiny. She began to sob, but not for the atrocities being done to her at that very moment, but for that figure which Anakin would become, and the fact she could do nothing, had done nothing.  
  
She didn't deserve this small a punishment. She knew she did not belong in heaven, not after the evil she had allowed to grow. And she would not be content there, as long as Anakin was Vader. She once again lifted her now swollen eyes to the doorway, where Anakin was back. She knew somehow that he was dead, that Anakin would not return. But he was still there with her. He had the most infinitely sad expression on his face as he pointed to a blaster that had fallen to the floor from one of the men. She understood. He cared for her, even now. She began to smile again as she managed to find the strength to free herself from her bonds and reach for the blaster undetected. She would exit this world on her own terms. Not Vader's. Not his, hers. And Anakin's. She put the blaster to her temple, oblivious to the shouts and kicks that commanded her to put it down. She remained unwavering in her task. She tugged on the trigger as her smile grew wider.  
  
As she sat up in a field next to a pristine lake fed by a gorgeous waterfall, a place she knew well, she heard running footsteps. She looked up to see Anakin running toward her. He took her face in his hands as he said so softly she could barely hear, "Padmé. I'm so sorry Padmé."  
  
She knew she was in heaven. And he knew her name.  
  
A/N: I hope you liked it. Product of my demented mind. Please let me know what you thought. It'll mean bunches to me. And if you haven't figured out by now that I don't own Star Wars or the song by Eric Clapton, I don't think there's much hope out there for you. 


End file.
